Break-Ups

I hate break-ups. I hate hurting people. It's one of my worst faults. I can't stand to see the pain in someones eyes when I tell them it's over, goodbye. I'm still friends with most of my exes, but break-ups take a toll. It hurts both parties, no matter what anyone thinks. I cry every time because I know I've made a mark on someones life. Whether it's painful or not, I still feel bad.

I've had my heart broken plenty of times, but some stand out profusely. I fell hard for a boy in eighth grade, and he was very sweet to me. But when I dated someone else he got angry with me, and we didn't talk until my tenth grade year. He was a year ahead of me. He asked me out again, and I, of course, said yes. We dated for a week until I learned he was just using me. We don't talk anymore.

My junior year started off with heart-break as well. I dated a new guy for about a month. He was sweet, but wouldn't talk about his past. I later learned that he was on probation for assault, and had been in trouble for numerous fights. He was violent, towards others and himself. He was a cutter, and suicidal. He also took drugs, and got high on painkillers frequently. I had to call the cops on him once, and my friends mom called them for me twice. The first time was because he was threatening suicide. The second time because he was threatening me, the boy I liked, and his own life. The third was because he threatened me again. The third was the last time I ever spoke to him. Before that night he had asked me to get drunk and sleep with him, I refused. That night, he sent me a picture of something written on a wall in blood. Supposedly in dragon-speak. He was high, very high, and had cut himself pretty badly from what I could tell. I told him I never wanted to talk to him again, and he said I would never get rid of him. I told him to watch me. He replied with "Have a nice suicide, hun." He really made me angry. He had left me for his ex about a month before, then found out she was using him and she dumped him again. He went crazy, and started on drugs again. He was sleeping with several other girls as well. I haven't heard from him since, but I hope that wherever he is, he's getting help.

I never wish harm on anyone, or I don't try to. I'm human, I get angry, but I always regret it later. I apologize if I can. Although some things just make me so angry that I don't want to forgive them, but I try not to hold a grudge. Even if they don't know it, I don't stay mad. I live by the policy of forgive and forget, if I can. I try my best, but like I said, I'm human.

Break-ups are probably my least favorite thing ever. They hurt, no matter who you are. You try not to care, you try to wall it off, but you can't. It's no use. You feel the pain anyway, and you can't help but hurt. I couldn't care less about myself, but I hate the fact that I hurt someone else.

Consider yourself schooled in the way that is me.
Signing off,
Xx~WesternWriter~xX